As I cleaned out my closet this week (metaphorically and literally) I came across large plastic bins of pictures that have not been touched in five years. I decided that now IS the time to clean out the past and move on. As I took a trip down memory lane I noticed something hauntingly familiar in the pictures from my past – my mouth was smiling but it seemed that the smile got lost somewhere between my mouth and my eyes.
“Some people wear their smile like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know ’cause I’m like that a lot. You think everything’s ok, and it is…till it’s not.” ~Ani Difranco
True joy came to me far and few between in my previous life. Some of it due to my circumstances but I know that most of it was due to how I perceived my life. Again, the powerlessness that I felt about my situation created a space of hopelessness. I could easily point a finger and say it was someone elses fault for making me miserable but the truth of the matter is, I did it to myself! I allowed the situations to continue and I gave my personal power away.
“When we blame, we give away our power”. ~ Greg Anderson
Now that’s a big wake up call! My ego fought that one for a while for a while because I was at the Master Level in the Blame Game. When I went through a divorce the first thing I wanted to do is point a finger and say, “Nanny, nanny, boo-boo it’s YOUR fault!”. That was not the first situation where I have pointed fingers nor will it be the last because everyday I am evolving into a better human being. Each and every day I have an opportunity to create joy in my life. It is MY choice.
A part of me grieved for the time that I lost being sad. Such a tragedy. Yet it was part of my journey that brought me to where I Am now which is thankful for each new day, for the awareness that I Am the creator in my journey. I cannot change some of the things that can or will happen to me but I can certainly choose my attitude.
Awareness does not mean that I Am enlightened but it gives me the chance to be different and make changes, break old cycles, move forward and be present for each moment of my life.
What I noticed in the more recent pictures are crow’s feet around my eyes and I am okay with that. I cherish the lines that hold the beautiful smile on my face for they tell a story and when I smile, my eyes smile too. The lines may be on my face but I can’t but think it makes me brighter and prettier when I smile.
“A smile is an instant way to improve your looks”. ~ Charles Gordy