Death, separation, job change, financial struggles, remarriage, family reunion, surgery, kid going to college, moving upstairs, major house renovations, relationship challenges, paranormal experiences….This has been my 2018 so far.
On January 1, 2018, I sat down on my living room floor and had a prayer in my heart. I asked the Universe to provide me a word to focus on for the upcoming year. It was an immediate response…almost like my angels were yelling at the top of their lungs…FLOW. I thought to myself, wow, that’s going to be interesting. Then the words began to flow into my ear…go with the FLOW, ebb and FLOW, heart FLOW, financial FLOW…It was very clear that I would have to be flexible in my life.
Life hit me like a ton of bricks towards the end of January. My partner Bobby and I were going into our 12th year of marriage. I attended a 4 day seminar that made me take a good look at goals, intentions and purpose. I had to admit to myself that I was terribly unhappy on so many levels of my life. Bobby and I didn’t communicate and most of the time we tolerated each other. How did that happen? We were very much in love at one point and then we barely talked. When you attend a self help class of any sort, be prepared for the unexpected to show up…especially baggage that you store away and refuse to deal with. That’s the gift of self help. I call it, “Welcome to the SHIT SHOW”. Look at your shit, deal with your shit, admit your shit, release your shit, stop being a shit. It’s not pretty but it IS pretty raw.
I came to the conclusion that I could no longer tolerate my “tolerable” life. I had come too far to “settle”. So I gathered my courage and told Bobby that we were not working and I needed some space. I wanted a divorce. He was stunned to say the least. I moved upstairs. The next few months were nothing short of miraculous. A series of very paranormal experiences began to commence. It is still something I am trying to wrap my head. Divine intervention is an understatement. Maybe someday I will be able to talk about it freely but I will share that it woke Bobby and I up and made us realize that we are partners in this life and we have work to do.
I’ve always lived my life with an exit plan in place. My marriage was no exception. Although in survival situations in my life it worked brilliantly, having an exit plan did not allow me to completely commit myself to Bobby. That was the part of the shit show that I had to own.
We worked on our problems and left the outcome open to possibilities. Easter weekend came and new beginnings were right around the corner. Bobby proposed to me on bended knee in front of family and friends. I said yes. We went from planning a divorce to planning a wedding vow renewal. So many things happened throughout the process. Looking back, I’m glad that I didn’t see all the changes coming. The fur babies that we raised from the beginning of our marriage both passed away same day. Our youngest son left for college. We decided as a family that Mom would move in with us. Our youngest daughter moved back in. We took in our adopted nephew while he waited to go into the Air Force. I broke a toe and had double foot surgery. Our house foundation began to falter and is in the process of being fixed. We changed jobs unexpectedly and emptied our savings building our business. Our daughter-in-law began training as part of our team. Relationships with some family members took a turn for the worse…and then came full circle. Friends passed away. I went through menopause. I embraced my love for Unicorns. I quit giving a shit what people thought about my happy disposition…no more dimming my light.
Why am I sharing with you? It’s not to air dirty laundry…but hopefully you can relate and find some insight and even humor in my situation. We all have a “situation”. Looking back, I’ve had some priceless moments arrive in the midst of emotional turmoil. That’s something my Mom taught me…you can laugh or cry…it’s up to you. Well Momma, I’m laughing and learning.
2018 is far from over but I’ve already gotten my word for the upcoming year. It is FOCUS. This one makes me real nervous as I have self proclaimed SS “Squirrel Syndrome”. What’s with these F words??? I wonder what 2020 will bring? That’s a loaded question!